Ajit jokes
AJIT: Raabert, isko Great Wall of China le jaakar phansi mein laga do, great 'wall hanging' ban jayegi.
AJIT : Robert is ko microprocessor may daal do !
Bit by bit mar jaayga gaa saala!
AJIT : Robert is ko liquid oxygen may daal do !
Liquid issay jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen issay marnay nahi day gaa!
AJIT : Robert, Dayna (Diana) ko thoda khatta khila do, yeh dayna se daynasour bhi ho jayegi, phir extinct bhi...
AJIT : Robert, isey thodi shampane pila do, paheley shame sey, phir pane sey mar jayegaa...
AJIT : Robert, isey peekak paisan pila do, yeh more sey no-more ho jayegaa...
AJIT : Mona daarrling, tum Toni ke saath ghuumna band kar do, nahin to bahut MonaToni ho jayegee...
AJIT : "Robert, Harshad Mehta the Bull ka stool test karaao"
"Kyon boss?"
"Pata to chale akhir ye Bullshit kya hota hai"
AJIT : Maikal, ise liquid helium mein daal ke 440 V pass kar do.
Phir yeh superconductor ban jaayega, aur zindagi bhar ticket kaat-ta reh jaayega.
Maikal : Baaas, yeh aadmi to kuch bol hi nahin raha hai. Kya karen ?
Ajit : Ise revaalving chair mein daal do.
Pata chal jaayega chakkar kya hai.
Robert : Boss , Sona kahan hai ? ( Where is the Gold ? )
AJIT : Kahin par bhi so jao Robert !!
(Scene - Robert gets a sidey to Ajit.)
Robert : Boss, humne sidey ko pakad liya
AJIT : Ise maar ke pulees station ke saamne rakh do. Aur iske badan par ek sui chubha do.
Robert : Par sui kyon, baass!
AJIT : Bewakoof! Pulees yeh samjhegi ki sui-cide hua hai!
Robert : Boss, mere teen bacche hue. Unko kya naam doon?
AJIT : Ek ka naam rakhna Peter, doosre ka Maikal,
aur teesre ka Cha Ling Chu.
Robert : Par Cha Ling Chu kyoon?
AJIT : Bewakoof, duniya ka har teesra bacchaa Chinese hota hai!
(Scene - Ajit thoroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.)
AJIT : Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Robert : Magar kyoon baas ?
AJIT : Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
AJIT : Robert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur
debugger istarrt kar do.
Robert : Lekin kyoon, baas?
AJIT : Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
AJIT : Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert : Yes Boss.
AJIT : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai .......
(Scene - Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.)
AJIT : Peter, time bomb le aao aur is kutte ko usse bandh do.
Timer ko theek das baje set kar do.
Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez hamesha late karta hai.
Iski maut bhi late honi chahiye. Timer ko panch minute late rakh do.
Arre, Robert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh
mat rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area hai. Ha haa ha.
Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega.
Aur iska dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhadkega.
Tum agar paas me khade hoge to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup'
suanaai dega ..."
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Ise varnish mein daal do,
saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish bhi ho jaayega.
Bob : Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
AJIT : Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
(Scene - Ajit ordering his chela to kill the enemy.)
AJIT : "Robert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal do.
Saale ko Society jeene nahin degi aur security marne nahin degi.
(Scene - Robert and Ajit are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs
a hole and water starts coming inside. Robert is perplexed !)
Robert : Boss ab kya hoga ??
AJIT : Robert Ek aur hole bana do, aur ek hole me IN
aur doosre me OUT likh do. Ek hole se paani ander aayega
aur doosre se bahar chala jayega !!
(Scene - Ajit get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT : Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal : Lekin kyon baas?
AJIT : Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Romantic countries
H.O.L.L.A.N.D Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies.
I.T.A.L.Y. I Trust And Love You.
L.I.B.Y.A. Love Is Beautiful; You Also.
F.R.A.N.C.E. Friendships Remain And Never Can End.
C.H.I.N.A. Come Here….. I Need Affection.
B.U.R.M.A. Between Us, Remember Me Always.
N.E.P.A.L. Never Ever Part As Lovers.
I.N.D.I.A. I Nearly Died In Adoration.
K.E.N.Y.A Keep Everything Nice, Yet Arousing.
C.A.N.A.D.A. Cute And Naughty Action that developed into attraction
K.O.R.E.A. Keep Optimistic Regardless of Every adversity.
E.G.Y.P.T. Everything's Great, You Pretty Thing!!
M.A.N.I.L.A. May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
P.E.R.U. Phorget (Forget) Everyone... Remember Us.
T.H.A.I.L.A.N.D. Totally Happy. Always In Love And Never Dull.
Now say I LOVE YOU in 100 different languages
English - I love you
Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief
Albanian - Te dua
Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)
Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)
Armenian - Yes kez sirumen
Bambara - M'bi fe
Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi
Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu
Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo
Bulgarian - Obicham te
Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah
Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a
Catalan - T'estimo
Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse
Chichewa - Ndimakukonda
Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)
Creol - Mi aime jou
Croatian - Volim te
Czech - Miluji te
Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig
Dutch - Ik hou van jou
Esperanto - Mi amas vin
Estonian - Ma armastan sind
Ethiopian - Afgreki'
Faroese - Eg elski teg
Farsi - Doset daram
Filipino - Mahal kita
Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua
French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore
Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort
Georgian - Mikvarhar
German - Ich liebe dich
Greek - S'agapo
Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo
Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw
Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi
Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)
Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)
Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw
Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae
Hmong - Kuv hlub koj
Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta
Hungarian - Szeretlek
Icelandic - Eg elska tig
Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw
Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu
Inuit - Negligevapse
Irish - Taim i' ngra leat
Italian - Ti amo
Japanese - Aishiteru
Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene
Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka
Kiswahili - Nakupenda
Konkani - Tu magel moga cho
Korean - Sarang Heyo
Latin - Te amo
Latvian - Es tevi miilu
Lebanese - Bahibak
Lithuanian - Tave myliu
Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu
Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu
Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni
Marathi - Me tula prem karto
Mohawk - Kanbhik
Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik
Nahuatl - Ni mits neki
Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni
Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg
Pandacan - Syota na kita!!
Pangasinan - Inaru Taka
Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo
Persian - Doo-set daaram
Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay
Polish - Kocham Ciebie
Portuguese - Eu te amo
Romanian - Te ubesk
Russian - Ya tebya liubliu
Scot Gaelic - Tha gradh agam ort
Serbian - Volim te
Setswana - Ke a go rata
Sign Language - ,,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love
You')
Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan
Sioux - Techihhila
Slovak - Lu`bim ta
Slovenian - Ljubim te
Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo
Swahili - Ninapenda wewe
Swedish - Jag alskar dig
Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di
Tagalog - Mahal kita
Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li
Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe
Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen
Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu
Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)
Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)
Turkish - Seni Seviyorum
Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu
Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo
Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)
Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)
Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu
Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh
Yoruba - Mo ni fe
Universal Chayageet
1. AMERICA ASKS WORLD TO UNITE AGAINST TERRORISM :
sathi haath badhana, sathi haath badhana,
ek akela thak jayega, milkar bojh uthana
2. UK, THE BIGGEST CHAMCHA OF US, FIRST TO SUPPORT
ae maalik tere bande hum
3. PAK PLEDGES SUPPORT IN RETURN OF FINANCIAL HELP :
jo tumko ho pasand wahi baat kahenge,
tum din ko agar raat kaho, raat kahenge
dete na aap saath to mar jaate hum kabhike
pure hue hai aap se armaan jindagi ke
hum jindagi ko aapki saugaat kahenge
tum din ko agar raat kaho raat kahenge.
4. US SAYS IT IS PLEASED WITH PAKISTANI RESPONSE
aap jo mere meet na hote, hotho pe mere geet na hote
5. PAK TOO PLEASED WITH US STAND, ESPECIALLY AS
THEY WERE NOT ON VERY GOOD TERMS OF LATE :
PAK : kabhi raat din hum door the, din raat ka ab saath hai
US : wo bhi ittefaak ki baat thi, ye bhi ittefaak ki baat hai
6. TALIBAN SHOCKED WITH PAKISTANI STAND :
bahaaro ne mera chaman loot kar
khija ko ye iljaam kyo de diya?
kisi ne chalo dushamani kee magar
ise dosti naam kyu de diya?
7. PAK SAYS IT HAS NO OPTION :
hum bewafa hargiz na the, par hum wafa kar na sake ................
8. INDIA OFFERS RE-FUELLING FACILITIES TO US :
o gore gore, o baa ke chore, kabhi meri gali aaya karo
9. US SAYS TIES WITH PAK WON`T AFFECT INDO-US RELATIONS :
na tum bewafa ho, na hum bewafa hai,
magar kya kare apani raahe juda hai
10. BUSH (B) ASKS OMAR (O) TO HAND OVER OSAMA :
B : e, kya bolta tu?
O : e, kya mai bolu?
B : sun,
O : suna!
B : deta kya Osama?
O : kya, karega? nahi diya to Osama?
B : are maarenge peetenge bomb barsaayenge war karenge aur kya?
11. TALIBAN REFUSES TO HAND OVER OSAMA :
hame tumse pyaar kitna, ye hum nahi jaante,
magar jee nahi sakte, tumhare bina!
12. ANOTHER SETBACK TO TALIBAN AS Saudi Arab, UAE SNAP TIES :
kasme waade pyaar wafa sab, baate hai baato ka kya?
koi kisi ka nahi ye jhoothe naate hai naato ka kya?
13. AS ATTACKS START, TALIBAN LAUNCHES ANTI-AIRCRAFT FIRE.
BUT SAYS US PLANES TOO HIGH TO BE HIT :
meri arji maan le maula,
tu hai sabkuch jaanne wala,
mai hu tera maanne wala,
apni firing lift karaade,
thodi si to lift karaade
14. MUSLIM COUNTRIES SUPPORT ATTACKS, TALIBAN DISGUSTED :
dekhi jamane ki yaari, bichde sabhi baari baari
15. OSAMA DECLARES JIHAD AGAINST US :
tum humko maarte ho?
hum tumko maarte hai!
hum apne jihad ka aailaan karte hai!
16. IN INDIA, THAKRE SAYS NO POINT IN SUPPORTING US,
AS IT IS NOT INTERESTED IN KASHMIRI TERRORISM :
tum to thehere pardesi, saath kya nibhaaoge?
Osama pakda jayega to
Ghar ko laut jaoge
LALOO Jokes
English Tuition!
Laloo goes to america for learning english.
After some days George Bush calls Rabri Devi & told her "Ae sasoora angreji nahin seekh sakat hai."
What do they call French Toilet in Bihar?
La loo
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT SIR"
for which Laloo replied "65Kgs" and moved on...
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist department and asked them
"Ji could you tell me the time difference between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..."
and Laloo immediately replies "Thank you" and puts the phone down.
Laloos family planning policy..
"Don't have more than two children in one year"
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE." & the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
After having become the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to pose for a picture.
To show he is down to earth CM he decides to pose along with a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the photo.
Next day the photo appears front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION
"Laloo, third from left"
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation for Business Development to Bihar.
The Japanese Embssary was quite impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an excellent state. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic superpower like Japan."
Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese are very ineficient," he stated "Give me three days and I will turn Japan into Bihar"
A reporter asked Laloo "What is the main reason for a divorce ?"
"Marriage"
Kaun Banega Crorepati
Clear Day!!
Since Amitabh Bachchan's contract for Kaun Banega Crorepati has expired, here are a few new auditions for the show.
Nana Patekar : Jaldi se jawab bol. Sahi jawab tere ko lakhpati bana dalega. Galat jawab tere ko hijda bana dega.
Shatrughan Sinha : Khamosh ! Bihari babu ke saamne zaban chalata hai. Tera cheque phaad ke phek doonga.
Dharmendra : Galat jawab ! Kutte Kameene, main tera khoon pee jaoonga.
Amrish Puri : Sahi jawab ! Mogambo khush hua!
Amjad Khan : Kitne options the ? Chaar! Soover ke bachchon! Chaar chaar options! Bahut na-insaafi hai! Dhish-keoin Dhish-keoin! 50-50 kar ke do galat jawab main uda diye. Ab bol, tera kaya hoga kaaliya?
Sanjay Dutt : Aye item log, kaye ko udhar khada hai? Idhar aake mere pass baith jaa. Kya be chikne - tere ko aata hai to bol dal varna main tere ko idhar-eech phod dalega.
Raj Kumar : Jaani, huuum, hhhuuuum hote to apne dost ko phone kar ke sawaal pooch lete.
Jagdeep : Bole to Soorma Bhopali - meri jeb ho gayi khaali. Mere pass to koi cheque nahin hain. Arre mujhko jaane do.
Mithun Chakraborty : Eeyaeech ! Tu audience poll karega? Aye, yahan ke public ke paas time nahin hai. Kya nahin hai? Time nahin hai.
Kesto Mukherji : Hee-heek. Hee-yaik. Apne ko sab kuch do-do dikh rahela hai. Hee-heek. Yeh aath options kidhar se aa gaye ? Hee-yok. Apne ko bahut chad gayeli hai.
Jeetendra : Lekin kyoon? ( groan ) Aap aisa kyoon kar rahe hai? (whine) Aap kabhi bhi game chod kar jaa sakte hai.
Ashok Kumar : To abhi aapne yeh dekha ( wheeze ), ki yahan se Delhi ke Ramesh Kumar ( gasp ), yahan se Rs. 20,000 leke chale gaye. ( groan ). Kal aur dus logon ko leke phir milenge Hum Log ( croak ).
Punjab University Paper Time Limit: 3 Weeks
1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu?
2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.
3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY
4. What religion is the Pope?
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic (check only one)
5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?
6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?
7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in India's far north called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners
9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar, the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.
11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky
12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no
13. What are coat hangers used for?
14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?
15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.
16. Where is the basement in a three storey building located?
17. Which part of India produces the most oranges?
(a) Gujarat
(b) Russia
(c) Canada
(d) Pakistan
18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?
19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?
20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
(a) B.C. (a) A.D. (a) still waiting
Marathi PJ
Anupam Kher la varshachya shevti Mulgi zhali tar tiche kai naav asel bara?? Varsha A.Kher !!!
Ekda ek manus asa announce karto ki tyacha kutra Tommy la poorna English kalta. Challenge mhanun dusra manus yeto ani Tommy la biscuit dakhvun mhanto "Tommy .. take". Tar Tommy jaaun bhintila tekto
vatpournimechyaa divshii vadaachyaa zaadaachii poojaa kelyaanantar baaykaa kaay mhantaat? vadaa paav ... ...
Marathi GF
1. she gets really mad if you introduce her as one.
2. if she closes her eyes as well as urs when kate winslet drops the robe on screen .
3. when she is realllly mad she goes 'kahi nahi' and doesnt look at u.
4. at least one of her childhood photos has her in a lush green parkar polka.
5. in a raging thunderstorm if theres a flash of lightening, lets face it she is not going to hug you like in the movies.
6. you have listened to natya sangeet, to get in good with her dad.
7. you have to convince her that 'the 3 hours we spent on chowpatty actually qualifies as a date.
8. she blushes when somebody asks her about you
9. she doesnt wear jeans and skimpy Tshirts but takes it for granted that her career is as important as urs .
10. she remembers all the poems in high school texts.she talks about 'amke amke' sir and all you can think about him is 'sir,dambis-ahey'.
11. Makar Sankrant and Daasera is the occasion to go to her house.
12. you do not meet her, neither does she, on Rakhi poornima.
13. you and her brother are not buddies.
14. ghari tumchya avdicha padartha kela tar athvanine dabyat gheun yete.
15. ur date on Chaturthi will be at Dagdusheth Halwai Ganpati / Talyatla Ganpati.
16. u have atleast once been to Tulshi baagh with her but she refuses to come with u to HongKong lane.
17. she is more comfortable on Laxmi Road than on M.G. Road.
Modern Geeta
HEY PARTH ........
Increment nahin mila, bura hua
Salary cut ho rahi hai, bura ho raha hai
Retrenchment hoga, wo bhi bura hi hoga...
Tum pichhla review na hone ka paschataap na karo
Tum agle review na hone ki chinta na karo
Recession chal raha hai...
Tumhari pocket se kya gaya jo tum rote ho ?
Tum company ke liye kya business laye the jo tumne kho diya ?
Tumne aisa kaun sa product banaya tha jo scrap hogaya ?
Tum koi experience le kar nahin aaye the...
Jo experience liya company se liya...
Jo project kiya company ko diya...
Degree le kar aaye, experience lekar chale...
Jo function aaj tumhara hai,
Kal kisi aur ka tha... parson kisi aur ka hoga...
Tum isse apna samajh kar magn ho rahe ho
Bas yahi khushi tumhari tension ka karran hai...
Kyon wyarth tension lete ho, kis se wyarth darte ho
Kaun tumhein nikaal sakta hai ?
Policy change company ka rule hai
Jise tum policy Change kehte ho, Wahi to trick hai...
Ek pal mein tum millionare ho jaate ho
Doosre hi pal mein tum stipend par aa jate ho...
Review, increment etc. etc. man se hata do
Vichar se mita do phir company tumhari hai, tum company ke ho...
Na yeh Increments tumhare liye hain, na tum iske kabil ho
Parantu job secure hai, phir tumhein tension kyon hai
Tum apne aap ko Company ko arpit karo
Yahin sabse bada Golden Rule hai...
Jo is Golden Rule ko janta hai
Wo review, incentive, recession se sarvada muqt hai.
Sardar Questions
Q: HOW DO YOU KEEP Sardar BUSY ALL DAY?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: HOW DO YOU MAKE Sardar LAUGH ON A SUNDAY?
A: Tell him a joke on Thursday.
Q: Sardar going to London on a plane, how can you steal his
window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the
middle row.
Q: Sardar calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
A: "Just a sec," says the rep. "Thank you." says Sardar and hangs up
Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN Sardar THROWS A PIN AT YOU?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
A: He thinks his picture is being taken.
Q: Why did Sardar stare at frozen orange juice can for 2
hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A: He can not find the eleven on the phone.
Q: How do you confuse Sardar?
A: You don't. He is born that way
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why can't sardars make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: Why do men like surd (sardarji) jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: What do you get when U offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What do you call a surd in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What do you see when you look into a surd's eyes?
A: The back of his head.
Q: What do a surd and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.
Q: What do you do when a surd throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: Why did the surd take his typewriter to the doctor ??
A: He thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.
Q: Why are surds hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: Why can't surds put in light bulbs?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q: Whats the difference between a Surd and a Supermarket Trolley?
A: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: Guy asked his surd wife "how did you get the car in the living room"?
A: She said "I drove it through the kitchen and took a left."
Q: SOMEONE ASKED IF A SURD BELEIVED IN SMOKING.
A: He said "Yes, I've seen it done."
Q: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
A: Sardar: "No, who wrote it?"
Banta Singh: "Yaar Santa, last year the name-plate outside your house read Santa Singh, B.A. This year it reads Santa Singh, M.A.When did you finish your Masters Degree?"
Santa Singh: "You don't understand. Last year my wife died, I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again. Then I took a second wife, So M.A. is Married Again."
what is the cube of 13?
Its : SUROOR wondering how?
thats bcoz.... TERA * TERA * TERA = SUROOR
wht did the kangaroo say when she found her baby missing?
.......Aaila!!!!! kisne mera pocket maar liya
A friend gives a barrel full of FEVICOL to his friend on his birthday.
What does this friend who receive the gift sing ???
Dushman na kare dost ne ye kaam kiya hai
Umra bhar ka GUM hame inaam diya hai........
Dusrya Divashi
Sardaji rastryane chalala aasato
Vatet tyala Kelyache Saal padlele disate
Te pahun tyane kay vichar kela aasel....
Guess...
"Sala Aaaj Bhi Girana Padega"
An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
• Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty & when a woman becomes naughty.... she becomes rich.
• A lady is standing on top of the hill n she is going to push her father down. So what's the name of the lady?
Push......Paa.
• Food for thought: Why to suffer trying by all means to become rich and wear expensive branded clothes, when best things in life we do naked.
Agar amir khan is ACP and Nasiruddin Shah is ISI agent then who is real sarfarosh?
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Aap ki kashish
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Nahi samaza?
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Aap ki kashish SARFAROSH hai.
One gangster gave three fully sealed khokas (typical mumbaian word, u should be familiar if u have seen vaastav) to his fellow and ordered him not to open these khokas....after three days ,gangstar shot that fellow..when another gangboy asked his gangstar why did you shoot him, he said i ordered him not to open these khokas but he did not obey my order..gangboy said that three khokas were still fully sealed then how did you know that he had opened the khokas??
gangstar said when i touched three khokas i felt two khokas were hot and one was cold..gangboy could not understand anything..
can you guess how the gangstar found it out???
guess.....
scroll down..
'thandaa matlab khoka khola'
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and fainting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."
Once in .......... College, there was an Indian student.
He was very briliant, and his General Knowledge (GK) was excellent.
He won every Quizes in the institute .... Once he fell in love with a Phirangi girl...
He proposed the girl, but She straight way rejected him ... calling him Bloody Desi...
So after this, his GK fell drastically, and he stopped taking part in Quiz and all.....
Now, u guys tell me the reason ... WHY ???
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BCZ,
He thought ...
Jab Dil hee toot gaya....
toh GK (general knowledge) kya karenge ...
what is PJ???
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phaltu joke..
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what is P+iJ ???
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complex phaltu joke...
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NO NO NOT YET OVER!
why dont we laugh on a it???
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coz the joke part is imaginary!!!
PLS DON'T BANG UR HEAD RIGHT NOW!
while Ajay and Tabu were singing the song "ruk ruk ruk, are baba ruk............" then which game they were playing(which was not shown in the movie)--------------
let ur brain to do some work.....
k i'll tell u...............
they were playing CHESS...........and actually singing......
"ROOK ROOK ROOK are baba ruk "
Ek Baar ek Aadmi bank se paise nikalta hai aur fir auto main baith
ke ghar ke liye nikalta hai, Jab woh ghar pohocta hai toh auto wala
usse Rs.100 leta hai jab ki meter pe sirf Rs. 10 hue the.
Agle din jab woh aadmi subah uththa hai toh use kuch nahin dikhai deta Kyon????
Kyonki
Auto waale ne use "ULOO" ( owl) banaya....
Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: ‘Sir, can I know your name please’
Gulshan : ‘I am Gulshan Grocer’
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so…
scroll down for the ultimate PJ
Further,,,
Little further…
ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C
And this is the latest one…. shayad padaa ho pehle but phir bhi enjoy………………..
1) Smoking
2) Drinking
3) Charas
4) Ganja
5) Chicken
6) Mutton
7) Oily food
8 ) Masala
9) Sleep & obesity
10) Pollution
= Heart Attack
means…
scrolll down
DUS bahane karke le gaye DIL !!
Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???
Think……
Think..
Bit more…….
Because…a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means chen..nai…
What’s the opposite of “Dominoes”???
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
think
tired of thinking???
Well the answer is “Domi doesn’t know”
Whats the opposite of “Pizza Hut”
….
….
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okei don’t kill me “Pizza Hutna math”
Acha last one……………
ok whats the opp of venky’s..
venlocks…
(now,now,dont bang ur head plz..)
What is the opposite of Subramanium Swamy?
Subramanium Didn’t See Me.
How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
Ready….Steady…..PO
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses’ wife instead.
“I’m afraid he died last week.” she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
“I told you” the wife replies, “he died last week.”
The next day he calls again and once more asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, “I’VE ALREADY TOLD
YOU
TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK!
WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?”
“Coz,” he replied laughing, “I just love hearing it…”
A guy is traveling in a deluxe car in the desert. He wants to take a bath, but he hasn’t got a soap and there is no water anywhere around…
what can he do?
->>He will integrate his d-lux car to get Lux + c (constant of integration)
Using the lux soap he will take bath in the ‘c’.
one day a man calls his wife from his IDEA mobile his call gets cross connected to some other lady.They still keep on talking..they start liking each other..and finally they get married.
what MORAL do u get???
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An IDEA can change your wife.
A man went to a STD/ISD/PCO SHOP and slapped the operator twice.
:-(
Guess why ?
because there it was written “Number dial karne se pehele do lagae”
whats difference between a man jumping from 1st floor and a man jumping
from
10th floor? . . . . . . . . . . . . former goes (hit) aaaaaaaaa latter goes aaaaaaaaa (hit)
Other than being fruits, what is common between an Apple and an Orange?
think……
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socho socho
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the answer is ……….
They Both Are Not a Banana !!
A tamilian and a sardarji sittin together in a train. Tamilian is bored and wants to talk, he asks sardar “tamil terima?”
Sardar is offended and hits back “punjab tera baap”
ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain… sab log use “Hanuman” keh kar bulate hain… batao kyun???
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ans:kyounki uska nam hanuman hai! JJ
Whats the opposite of Real??
Its COCONUT….
kya hua…. Confused??
jara ….Socho…yaar ???
opposite of real is ‘Na-Real’ . in English it is coconut JJ
i’ll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our president….why
scroll down for answer
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coz he is mr. a.P.J.abdul kalam
what is the vector form of sridevi???? JJJJ
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?
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)
ANS : - TABU!!!!
confused???? why????
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ok i’l tell you…
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. sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!
What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to
call him up…?
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Ring De Basanti :) )
A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadly
disease….
As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to the
doctor… how??
scroll
…Because the patient had a bluetooth!!
three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started
singing the song — AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE.
Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died……any idea why?????
COZ the song is HIT……
Question: An elephant was in love with a
she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some
other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to
a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song
would
our hero sing?
Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love
with each other and want to get married, but
cannot.
Why?
Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
illegal.
Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
for
all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had
caused.
So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram
opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan
standing there. Ravan just kept staring and
thinking
but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
Question: How do you "cut" roads?
Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
raaste".
A railway station beggar meets another beggar.A
software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question?
"So, which platform are you working on?"
Question: What do you call a person who is leaving
India?
Ans: Hindustan Lever.
Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
elephants
were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female
elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants
say
about her?
Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!
Question: Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha. Uska
naam kya tha?
Ans: Adidas.
Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
Kumble
brings a bottle, but takes it directly to
Tendulkar.
Why?
Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.
Question: What is the similarity between
Satynarayan
pooja and the Indian cricket team?
Ans: Dono ke ant me "Prasad" aataa hai.
Question: Who is Joe?
Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
Joe!"
Question: The Madrasi said, I want to see the movie
"my heart is an umbrella'. Which movie did he
really
want to see?
Ans: Dil Chhaata Hai.
these will make u fall off ur chair!!
Woh kaun sa hindi geet hai jis main "Internet
Explorer" ka zikar kiya gaya
hai???
Hint: The heroine also refers to herself as
InternetExplorer.
If you don't know...
Scroll down for the answer...
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> >>>A bit more
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The answer is... Maine Pyar Kiya.
And the song goes....
Aajaa shaam hone IE (Internet Explorer)
Mausam ne lee angada IE
To kis baat ki hai lada IE
Tu chal........ Main IE !!!
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>
Once 5 CHIPKALIs (house lizards) :
Phulwa,RaamPyaari, RaamDulari,RaamPuri and
RaamChuri
were crawling on the wall when all of a sudden,
Phulwa
started to sing a song. the moment Phulwa stopped
singing the song, RaamPyaari,RaamDulari, RaamPuri
and
RaamChuri fell down
from the wall !!!...
WHY ???
scroll down for answer. . . . . . . . . .
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> coz, they all started clapping !!!!
WHTS THE OPPOSITE OF AMITABH...
PM-itabh
English Man : - Humare America mein War ho gaya hai
Sardar jee: - Humare India mein to roz hi war hota hai
English Man : - wo kaise?
Sardar jee : - Somwar, Mangalwar, Budhwar.....!!!
What is yellow ,thin and long?
>>>>>>>>>>>think>>>>>>>>>>
A yellow thread.
Now What is black ,thin and long?
Ans: Shadow of yellow thread
f 007 is James Bond.........
then what is 111????
think........
binary version of James Bond
question to sardar " how to distinguish between murga and murgi?"
Sardar:" simple... pathar maaro. bhaga to murga, bhagi to murgi"
manipuri couple: son is born...name him bhai chung bhutia
girl is born.....name her bhen chung bhutia
then third child is a negro......they name him " kaun hai yeh chootiya "
DO sardar chess khel rahe hote hai,
Aur do aate ahi aur bolte hai "Chalo doubles khelte hai".....
A marathi shayri
Konachya GF la MIRINDA aavadtho,
Konachya GF la MANGOLA aavadtho,
pan fakt tujya gf la MAAZA ka aavadtho...
once a small girl asked his grandfather that still you and granny have sex?
grandfather replied yes ,but ORAL....
girl asked what is oral sex?
grandfather said "I say Fuck U and she says Fuck U 2"...........
hw does a dog propose to a cat?
think
bhow bhow
rang de Basanti dekhne ke baad ek aadmi ko bahut gussa aaya
Uska freind asked him " Why are you so angry ?"
aadmi bola: saala poori film mein basanti ko to dikhaya hi nahi!!!!
Tere pyar ka saaya
tere pyar ka saaya
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wah wa wah wa
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Do minute ruk
Main susu karke aaya!
dur se dekha
to sher meri aur daud raha tha ....
dur se dekha
to sher meri aur daud raha tha ....
dur se dekha
to sher meri aur daud raha tha ....
dur se dekha
to sher meri aur daud raha tha ....
aage ...
aage kya hona tha?
mein aage gaya hee nahi !
what will u call a boy with 3 knees?
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Ans is NITIN
there were 3 frogs
1st says 'DARAO'
2nd says 'DARAO DARAO'
wt abt 3rd one?
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'TUM KITNA BHI DARAO,MAI NAHI DARNEWALA!!'
wot wd be the name of the person who can shake the moon???
chandrashekar.
On a flight James bond was sitting next to a Telugu guy.
> Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"
> James Bond: "My name is Bond" Continuing in his inimitable style,
"......James Bond."
> Then Bond asks: "And you?"
>
> Telugu Guy: "My name is Rao...
> Siva Rao...
>
> Samba Siva Rao...
>
> Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
>
> Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
>
> Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
>
> Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao...
>
> Vijayawada Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Yarlagadda Venkata Samba Siva Rao..."
>
> Since then when anyone asks Bond his name he simply says "James Bond"
there was a tiger living in a jungle surrounding a town.Everybody was
afraid of him but he didn't wanted to harm anyone.Once he starts roaming in
town and all frightened people run here and there and get to their
houses.Angry tiger locks everybody's house from outside.
How will u describe this in one word ??
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Answer - SHER-LOCK-HOMES
Dad to son: when I beat you how do you control your anger?
Son: I start cleaning toilet
Dad: How does that satisfy you?
Son: I clean it with your toothbrush
Ek din sardar apni gf ko bolta hai ki aaj raat ko mere gharpe aa jana kyuki aaj raat ko ghar pe koi nahi hoga.........
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Raat ko jab uski gf sardar ke ghar jaati hai toh ghar pe tala laga hota hai.............
ek bar ek sardar naha raha tha...
to kya......
sardar naha raha tha ..yahi bahot badi bat hai...
Ek baar Dinakar beach pe push-up maar raha tha. Ek sardar ne use dekha aur jor se hasne laga.....Dinakar ko gussa aaya aur usne sardar se pucha ,"kyu has rahe ho"?. Sardar bola ,saale ab yeh karke kya faida tere neeche jo ladki thi woh kab ki chali gayi............
sardar1: do u know english?
sardar2: yessssssssssss
sardar1: ok then tell me wht is the opposite of NAAGPANCHMI?
sardar2: so simple yaar,naag do not punch me.....
dharti mein se ek hathi ped pe chade tho kya hotha hain.....
<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>
<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
dharthi mein se ek haathi kam hojayega
acha ab doosra haathi ped pe chad jayega tho kya hoga
<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
ped ke upar do hathi ho jayenge........ simple math yaaaar
acha tho ab ped pe dooosra haathi chadega tho kya hoga?
<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
ped pe se ek haathi uthar jayega..doosre haathi ko jagah dene ke liye.....
ab choutha chadegatho kya hoga
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kya hoga
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arey ab tho ped thooot jayega yaaarrrrrr........ kitne haathi chadaoge ped pe......
TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Father : son this time u have to get 80% in your exams...
son : y only 80% i will get 100%...
Father : r u kidding with me...
son : who started first...
why is the parrots beak red in colour
think..............................
think...................
coz god made it so..simple nah..hahahhah
Kuch Frogs bate karte the
1st Frog Daraon
2nd Frog Daraon Daraon
3rd Frog Daraon Daraon Daraon
4th Frog Daraon
1st frog abe saleXXXXXXX topic kyon badalta hai...
Jokes
Ek baar ek aadmi ne badi tapasya ki.
shivji khush .
Prakat hue ...
bole ...
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puttar maang ...
maang kya chahiye tujhey !
bakth utha ...
bole shivji ...
mujhey to aap sirf ek guitar de do !
shivji bole kaisa gadha hai ?
unhone kaha ... puttar ...
tuney badi achchi tapsya ki hai ...
kuch bada maang !
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wo fir bola ... nahi ji ..mujhey to aap guitar hi do
shivji ne phir samajhaya .. abey .. kuch dhang ka maang ... !
par wo to ada hi hua tha ... bola nahi ... aap to mujhey guitar hi do !
shivji usey bade pyaar se khopch me lekar samjhane lage ... bole ..yaar tu
kuch aur maang .. guitar
na maang ...
wo bola ... nahi nahi nahi !! mujhey sirf guitar hi chahiye ... ab
shivji gussey main aa gaye ... boley ,(scroll down)
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saale .. agar guitar mere paas hota to main ye damaru kyo bajata..
Why student fails in exam???????
It's not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year has an ‘ONLY 365’ days.
Typical academic year for a student.
1. Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.
2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.
3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.
4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.
5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies(chewproperly & eat)-means 30days. Balance 96 days.
6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81 days.
7. Exam days per year atleast 35 days. Balance 46 days.
8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.
9. For sickness atleast 3 days. Ba! lance 3 days.
10. Movies and functions atleast 2 days. Balance 1 day.
11. That 1 day is your birthday.
“How can a student pass??
Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'
Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai
Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto
While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here
Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.
Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.
Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat
Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.
Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.
Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more
Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.
A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.
Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.
Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?
Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.
Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
Santa and Jeeto were on an African Safari when a lion sprang out of nowhere & draged Jeeto with his jaws.
Jeeto: Shoot him, Shoot him!
Santa: I can't. I ran out of film.
What's Ford?
Santa: Gaadi.
What's Oxford?
Santa: So simple, Bail Gaadi
appu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long.....!
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey Bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, Apple saath laya hoon.
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, PUTTAR hua PUTTAR. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
Santa: What's difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser & superman wears it over the trouser.
Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeeper asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?
Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.
Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost... 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.
Santa: Why Americans stop printing stamps with photo of Pamela Anderson?
Banta: Coz people started licking the wrong side of it for pasting them on the envelopes.
Dress code 4 a party - BLACK TIES ONLY.
Banta goes for the party & is surprised to see that the other guests are wearing SUITS also!
Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave
A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja...
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats....
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Petrol ke rate badhne par Santa bola: "Menu koi farak nahin penda. Pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hoon."
Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first - the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!
A man to Santa: Ur friend is kissing ur wife in ur home.
Santa rushes home and came back within half an hour n slapped the man n said: He's not my friend.
Jeeto: Kal raat tum mujhe neend mein tumne mujhe gaaliyan di
Santa: Tumhari galat fahami hai.
Jeeto: Kaisi galatfahami?
Santa: Yehi ki mein soya tha.
Gal to Banta: Kya shaadi k baad bi tum muje itna pyar karoge?
Banta: Kyon nahin? Mein to diwana hoon shadi-shuda aurton ka.
Santa sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Couple of seconds later he received a report on his phone and he started to dance. The report said: 'Delivered'
Gurdas Maan: Santa ji, aapke bhai ki shaadi mein kitne gaane gaane hain, us hisab se rate lagega?
Santa: 2-3 gaa kar prg shuru kar dena, baad mein sharabi baraat ne generator ki awaaz par hi naachte rehna hai
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa: Yaar mein apni girlfriend nu gift dena hai, ki devan?
Banta: Gold ring de de.
Santa: Koi vadi cheez das yaar.
Banta: Tan fer MRF da tyre de de.
Santa: Sir hun meri salary wada diyo, mera vyah ho gaye hai.
Boss: Factory de bahar hon wale hadseyan layi factory jimmevar nahin hundi
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u? Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya
Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM
An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.
Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?
Pappu: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paude thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Sant: U r wrong. It’s 1394.
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut? A: Because they advertised: 'Free Delivery'
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
eeto: If I die what'll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man.
Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA" shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.
Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag. Guess what did he ask next...
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.
Santa Banta zid kar rahe c monkey dekhan di... so tuhade ghar da address dita hai. Yaar 2-4 tapusian maar ke dikha deo bichare khush ho jaan ge.
Banta ek sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Q: Why Santa is standing below the Tube light with an open mouth.
A: Because Doctor has advised him: 'Aaj Light Khana hai!'
Q: How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
Santa saw a beautiful gal... he went and smooched her.
Gal - What are you doing?
Santa: Law, 4th semester from Punjab University.
Santa suffering from constipation, sitting on toilet seat: Ooonh, oooonh, oohh.... nee aaja marjaniye main tenu khan ta ni laga.
Banta: J tu dasde ki is bag vich ki hai tan sare ande tere, j tu dasde kine ne tan 8 de 8 tere, te j tu dasde ki kidhe ne tan oh murgi v teri.
Santa: Koi hint?
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman
Banta was driving down the highway past a sign that said, "Clean Toilets 8 Kms."
By the time he drove eight kms he had cleaned 14 toilets.
Banta: What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.
Jeeto: Why do Farts stink?
Santa: So that Deaf people can enjoy them too!
Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
At a football match ground. Santa: Ye log ball nu foot kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karan lai.
Santa: Paar ball tan pehlan hi gol hai hor kinni gol karangey.
Q: A Man asked Santa, "Akal badhi ya bhains? "
A: Santa bola, "Pehle date of birth to batao."
SARDAR JI TOOK OUT HIS WALLET, IN THE BUS, HIS PHOTO FELL OUT OF HIS WALLET, HE GOES 2 A LADY,'MADAM JI SARI UPHAR KAROGE PHOTO LENA HAI, AND ALL THE OTHER MEN IN THE BUS BEATED HIM UP!!!!!!!! By Sonia
There was a short note written on poster of adult movie.
"Under 18 are not allowed."
Santa saw this msg, what he did next time he came with 17 people along with him.Ankit frm Delhi
Banta:how did u got a new car? Santa:A girl drove me to a beach, took her cloth & and said: take what do u want & i took car banta: good yaar kapde ki karne si. Ankit frm Delhi
American: In our country , marriage even takes place with email. Santa: In India, it is only with a female fareen
sardar1:Tell me a word consist of 100 letters
Banta: P-O-S-T-B-O-X aNanD
Manmohan Singh to Bush - We are sending Indians to the moon next year. Bush - Wow! How Many? Manmohan Singh - 100 25 - OBC 25 - SC 20 - ST 5 - Handicapped 5 - Sports Persons 5 - Terrorist Affected 5 - Kashmiri Migrants 9 - Politicians and if possible 1 - Astronaut.Mukhoji
Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you........... Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye,Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.azam
Harry Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read
"Padne wala gadha" (One who reads it is a donkey).
Harry Singh thought for an hour, erased and wrote back,
"Likhne wala gadha" (One who wrote it is a donkey)
Sardar complained 2 Police: Sir all
items are missing, except the TV
in my house.
Police: How the theif did not take TV?
Sardar: I was watching TV na...
Tutor to Santa: wat is u r father's name.
Sanat: BEAUTYFUL RED UNDERWEAR.
Tutor: R u joking?
Santa: NO SIR! MY FATHERS'S NAME
IS "SUNDER LAL CHADDHA"
What is the best outcome of the marriage
between Salman Khan and Mallika Sherawat...?
Think.....
Think.....
Well....
There won't be any Laundry Bills....!
Marne ke baad hum narak me
jaana pasand karenge...
poocho kyon?
Tum jaise dost Swarg
me thodi milenge...
what will a man say after
going to shit but
still not satisfied??
Juda hoke bhi.... TU
mujh mei kahi baaki hai !!!
Jab Tota Hua Dirty,
To Tote Se Boli Maina,
Don't Worry.....
Surf Excel Hai Na!
Khuda se scooter manga...car di,
apartment manga...bangla diya,
Dost manga to tumhe diya....
Khuda ne is baar aisa zulm kyon kiya....?
Suraj Hua Madham , chand bhi chalne laga,
mein thehra raha, zameen chalne lagi,
sajna kya yehi pyaar hai ??
Nalayak, yeh pyar nahi EARTHQUAKE hai! BHAAG
I'm proud that ur my frnd coz ur
20% Perfect,
20% Attractive,
20% Great,
20% Amazing,
20% Lovable,
in short ur 100% P.A.G.A.L.!!
Diwali aane wali hai, is liye main apna
mann kewal POOJA,ARCHNA,SADHNA,AARTI
mein hi lagana chahta hoon,
so.. aapke pados mein inme
se koi ho to batao.
Twinkle twinkle lazy star,
kitna soyega uth ja yaar,
up above the world so high,
sun has risen in the sky,
uth ke jaldi pele chai,
then call me & say HI..!
A lady from 2nd flor asking
4 bananawala: Kela kaisa dega,
Bananawala: Memsab Aat me bara,
lady told: Saat me tera deta
hai to upar aaja!!
KBC Host AMITABH: What is
the color of bra of ur wife?
Is it
A: Brown
B: WHITE
C: Black
D: Grey?
SARDAR: Can I phone a friend!
If u read dis, I'm SMART.
If u save dis, you agree dat I'm SMART.
If u fwd dis, u r spreading dat I'm SMARt
& if u delete dis, u r jealous coz I'm SMART.
Teacher: What is the full form of maths?
Student: Mentaly affected teachers
harrasing students!!
When i open my eyes every morning
When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!
One day Santas Girlfriend asks him,
One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling, om our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
When I was born Devil said..
When I was born Devil said...Oh Shit!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh Shit!!!!Competition...!!! ....
Fill in the blank...Im ur .....friend-
Fill in the blank...Im ur .....friend- a)-Cute b)-Sweet c)-Loving d)-Boy/Girl e)-Best of all Reply is a must...
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE-
Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE- C-Come,O-On,L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each,G-Girl,E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....
Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank
Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I dont have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....
If ur world is spining Round & Round.
If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...
Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year,
Merry Christmas, Enjoy New Year, Happy Easter, Good luck on Valentines, Spooky Halloween & Happy Birthday Now bug off and don't annoy me for the next 12 months!!!!
what happend 2 ur mobile?
what happend 2 ur mobile? i was trying 2 call u but i got this msg: welcome 2 D jungle network,D monkey u r tring 2 call is on tree plz try later.
First the engagement ring, then t
First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering
Last night I lay in my bed
Last night I lay in my bed looking at the beautiful stars, the moon and the sky...then i thought where the fuck is my roof
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped
Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
If your a Vegetarian to be nice
If your a Vegetarian to be nice to animals, why are you eating there food
I'm a killer, i kill people for money
I'm a killer, i kill people for money, but you are my friend
I KILL YOU FOR FREE !!
Its been a rough day.I got up this
Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom
Jesus says to John come forth ill
Jesus says to John come forth ill give you eternal life. John came fifth he won a toaster
At dis moment in time 10 million people
At dis moment in time 10 million people r having sex.5 million people r drinking coffee.100 million people r sleeping & 1 stupid fool is reading my text!pass on
The rain makes all things beautiful
The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn’t it rain on you?
i want u 2 know dat our friendship
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
An independant study has proven
An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!
I'm @ the police station
I'm @ the police station now been done 4 drink driving.Urine sample was positive so I nicked the sample.they r now doin me 4 taking the piss
girls are like phones.
girls are like phones. we like to be held and talked too- but if u press the wrong button u'll be disconnected!
God made man and then rested
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
MEN-opause MEN-strual
MEN-opause MEN-strual pain MEN-tal illness GUY-necologist HIS-terectomy EVER NOTICED HOW WOMENS PROBLEMS START WITH MEN??
This cat is cat a cat good cat
This cat is cat a cat good cat way cat to cat keep cat a cat idiot cat buzy cat for cat 20 cat seconds cat! NOW READ IT WITHOUT SAYIN CAT!
I send dis fish as a sign of friendship
><(((:>I send dis fish as a sign of friendship Plz take care of it & keep it in mobile & daily put ur mobile in water so tat fish wont DIE:-)
One day Raja and rani decided to send
One day Raja and rani decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile. The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message. He angried and called to rani.She told stupid "This was a missed call"
can you lend me 2000 Rs?
can you lend me 2000 Rs? i need it. please help me out, i know you have it, i wil return it .a sardar asks to ATM machine???????
terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers
terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
Dear user,your wife can become
Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS 'CHILD' or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!
A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)
A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FUCKING INSTRUMENTS:
Husband seting near to his
Husband sitting near to his wife n she was driving,Husband:please slow down the speed of car.Wife:No ;please. No; please NopleaseNopls..Husband:the Newspaper ill publish ur correct Age 55 in case of axident; Ohh KHkhkhkhkhkh...
Why do couples hold hands
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !By Pretty
girl friends are like mobile phone, whenever you want happiness just check inbox, whenever u want to cry check out box, and whenever u want to enjoyment just plug in your charger and enjoy. Junaid
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime!
WIFE satys No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever.
